LOVE- More Than a Four Letter Word

first of all i'd like to apologize for the previous post. i was tired, frustrated, stressed and needed to vent, but that's no excuse and that was not the Godly or mature way to go about it. so i'm genuinally sorry if it offended anyone. i was not acting in a loving manner, which ironically is what this blog is about.

LOVE- so many definitions, meanings, feelings, conotations. sure i joke around and say "love shmuv" or that it's a "four letter word" but i really don't mean it. it is so much more than that. with valentine's day coming up, love is in the air, and at IWU i mean that literally! but love is so much more than chocolate, flowers, dinner, stuffed animals, and all the other material stuff we do to show love. it's more than your heart beating faster, or the feelings. eventually the flowers will die and the feeling won't be as strong. it is then, that i think you realize if your really love a person. don't get me wrong, those things are all great, and i can't wait until i fall in love, but the concept of love is so hard to grasp. sure i've loved people- my friends, family, pets (moment of silence for floyd.........), but i have never "been in love" with a special someone. but i think that's a good thing.

i don't think i'm ready for that. see, there's a prosses that i believe occurs in order to really love someone with a Godly, unconditional love. first i have to accept God's love for me. i'm not going to lie, that can be hard for me sometimes. i screw up and find it hard to believe that God still loves me and that he forgives me. HIs love is unconditinal and His grace is overflowing, and all too often i don't tap into that love or grace, but instead get down on myself. which leads to my next point:

after i accept God's love, i need to learn to love myself. this by far has been a struggle for me my whole life. it was only this past summer that i really began to work on it and try, as lame as it sounds, to love myself for who God made me. i have so much insecurity and such low self esteem sometimes. satan knows that's one of my weaknesses and boy does he ever try to get me down. some days are better than others, but i definetly have my share of "brown paper bag days"

before i can truely love and care for someone, i need to be able to accept God's love for me, and love myself in return. then, and only then, will i be able to genuinally love and care for others. not the superficial- "how ya doing?" but really have an agape love for everyone, no matter who it is, what they look like or what they've done to me or for me. and i am by no means there. like i said it's a process and with God's help i hope to reach a new level of love for people.

so this Valentine's weekend, i'm sure there will be moments of saddness, but i'm not going to let myself dwell in that or get depressed. God has blessed me with so many things including great friends, and i want to celebrate our friendship and make some awesome memories with them. and each day i want to learn to love God, myself, and others more.