how can one mind and heart be pulled in so many different directions? i just want peace!! and it all revolves around boys- a four letter word :)
One day it seems that i'm getting used to being single again. i know that that's where God wants me and i'm content with that and just being able to hang out with my friends w/o worrying about a relationship. sure i tease that i'd go after anything moving on two feet with testosterone, or that it doesn't matter hair color, as long as they have it, and that i'm going to be an old maid in a house full of cats as companions.... but in reality i'm ok with where i'm at and what God has in store for me. mind you, most of these thoughts were yesterday.

then today came, and all of a sudden i desire to be with someone. i look around campus and see all the happy couples, i remember my past relationship (yes, that is singular, there has only been one) and all the good times, i think about valentine's day, and all of a sudden i feel lonley and discontent. and i shouldn't. God has blessed me so much and there are so many worse things in life and so many other struggles people have that don't even compare to this one, but even though it's selfish, i need to vent.

tonight at wcf we sang "when i feel alone, when i feel alone, when i feel alone, give me Jesus. you can take all this world, but give me Jesus." but i could hardly sing it because that's not enough for me. it should be and i WANT it to be, but i don't want to be alone. all that i should desire, strive after and focus on should be Him. He should be ALL i need! but i long for more. i want to be persued i want to get over aaron and move on. i want to stop remembering our dates, conversations and how it felt to "belong" to someone. i want to be okay being single, more than ok, i want to be single and completely satisfied with that. i know that if God wants me to be married, that i'll find that special someone.... i'm just impatient. i know that it takes time and that time heals and that God will eventually bring me to the place where i have complete and full peace all the time. i really love this song by Bethany Dillian, so i'm going to write the lyrics. bare with me...

"For My Love"

Walk towards meI want to hear

The heavens singing over you

When you breathe

And look at meI want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes

And let me know you’d fight

Thousands, for my love

Slip your hand in mine

Ask me to dance with you tonight

Just ask me for my love

I want to hide

What’s deep in my eyes

I’m scared to be known by you

But when I turn my head

And see you there

I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes

And let me know you’d fight

Thousands, for my love

Slip your hand in mine

Ask me to dance with you tonight

Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from

A story that will never end

The ground your feet walk on

Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes

Let me know you’d fight

Thousands, for my love

Slip your hand in mine

Ask me to dance with you tonight

Just ask me for my love

that song pretty much sums it up. for now i'm off to steak and shake with the girls and david and it's gunna be great! some good fellowship and a milkshake is all the remedy i need! b/c we all know that chocolate is a vegetable. more on that later :)