Stormy days

hmmm... so it's been awhile since i've sat down and blogged. let me just say that Spring break was amazing. i had such a fun time. my sweetmate, bethany, lives in vermont, so her, me and two of our guy friends- tony and david, hopped in the car for an 18 hour road trip. the week consisited of snow skiing twice, touring, shopping, laughing, movie watching and lots of hot chocolate. i learned so much more about everyone and became much closer. God truely blessed us with a relaxing break that was a blast and a half...

unforunetly that was the calm before the storm. ever since then it seems like crises are happening left and right. they aren't happening to me, but everyone around me seems to be dealing with some intense, difficult stuff. it's hard to see friends hurting and not know how to help. and i am sad to say that i did not do a good job of being supportive this week. i had so much school stuff to do and was super stressed and tired. i think i missed out on some great God opportunities to pray with people and be an encouragement....i just feel drained...

my spiritual life seems dry. i want to spend time with God, truely i do. i want to be still before him and just bask in His presense, but yet i can't seem to find the time or discipline to do that. due to that i feel like i have not been a good witness for Him. how can i expect to be a missionary or go to guatemala this summer if i can't even do daily devos here?

i'm emotionally spent. the burdens of those around me are heavy on my heart and i want to do something, but all i can do is pray, and even that i have a hard time taking time to do. it might be b/c i'm tired, i don't know, but i also feel more self conscious and sensitive than usual. some of those old negative thoughts about myself have started to reappear over the past few days and i'm not going to lie- it's hard to battle them. i don't have the energy. i know that's where God comes in and i have to rely on Him for strength, but do you see the circular effect?
no spiritual commitment is leaving me vulnerable to Satan and therefor i am not experiencing the joy of life like i should, and i feel empty and helpless because my relationship with God is not where it should be. i don't know if that makes sense, but it does in my head.

anyway, i'm sure things will improve. i just need some more sleep and to start to be committed to spending daily time with God. but right now i'm just drained and feel like i have nothing to offer anyone...