adios!

well all, on monday may 30, i'll be heading off to embark on probably the greatest adventure thus far in my life. my flight leaves at 7:50am which means 3am wake up call to get to the airport in time. i should arrive in guatemala at approx 11:30am guate time (2 hours behind us). if you wanna talk to me before i leave call at 419-446-2285. i should be around, spending quality time with my family before i take off :)

i packed today and that was a tad stressful. i've had stuff laid out for awhile, but actually packing it and deciding where to put what and getting it all to fit was a challenge, but i'm pretty proud of myself. i for once did not overpack! at least i don't think i did. most of the stuff i plan on leaving down there anyway. i'm sure after wearing the same clothes for 12 weeks, that won't be too hard! so yeah, everything's packed and ready to go.

but that doesn't mean that i'm ready! no- i really am exicted. i can't wait to get down there and experience the culture and the food and the people- i just want to soak it all up! i'm excited to be used by God to the fullest. it's this before hand stuff that makes me anxious. right now i don't know what to expect, who i'll meet or anything and the unknowns make me a little uptight.i think once i get there i'll be fine, but right now at times my mind is a very poweful force against me. satan is really getting into my head and making me fearful and doubtful. i don't know if i can do this!

i have such mixed emotions right now and it's driving me crazy. one minute i'll be so excited and just want to leave and the next minute i feel so overwhelmed at what's ahead of me and i just want to cry. and i know that as a Christian God had not given me a spirit of fear, but that of power, love and sound mind. i know the verses about being anxious and that i should cast all my cares on Him. and truly i'm trying to, i really am. but my heart has a harder time believing. i would really appreciate your prayers in this area. i want to have great faith and be bold and courageous. i want to stand firm and not be a coward or fearful. and i realize that there's no way that's going to happen without God's help.

i look at the great missionaries and men of God in the Bible and rarely, if ever, does it talk about them being scared or worried. instead it talks about their boldness and how they are lead by the Holy Spirit. i want that so badly, but yet i feel so insecure and little right now. i desire to grow and be stretched and molded but at the same time it scares me to death because i don't know where that will take me.

sorry for rambling. i don't know if anyone can relate with how i feel. it's a battle between flesh and the Spirit. i know how i should feel (spirit)but my mind is telling me otherwise (flesh). i guess today and tomorrow as i say good byes and get ready to leave i'll be praying a lot and remembering FROG- Fully Rely On God.