no words needed 

Heaven

Whem everything is spinning

And nothing seems for sure

When life isn't fun anymore

And there are more tears than smiles

When I am sinking

And have nothing to hold onto

He pulls me up from the miry clay

And gives me a firm place to stand

Once I'm standing

I lift my eyes to the sky

To see the clouds breaking

And the sunlight pouring through

Like the heavens opening

It reminds me again of my salvation

And that my trials are only temporary

That someday Christ will return

And carry me up to heaven

Where there will be no more tears or sorrow

It is that hope that gets me through

tears

i just got done watching ladder 49. if you haven't seen it- i highly recommend it, but be sure to bring lots of tissues. it's a pretty powerful movie. i have to admit that it was nice to just let down and cry. there's just something about the release of emotion through tears.... there are so many times that i want to feel, want to cry, but can't. and then when i least expect, and usually at the most inopportune times, the tears just come. but a lot of times it feels good. guys don't really seem to understand the benefits of having a good cry. som many times i feel so much better after i watch a hallmark commercial and shed a few tears. ok so it's not that bad, usually, but tears are ok for me because i'm a girl and girls are expected to be emotional and cry, right? well for the most part yes, but what i don't understand is why guys don't have that "right."

i'm not a guy, never have been and never will be so i might be way off base in this, but it sure seems to me that after a tough day a guy would want to be able to come back into his room and shed a few tears w/o having to worry about who might see or what they might say. guys are supposed to be tough and macho and unemotional. they're supposed to be strong for the "emotionally unstable" females around them. i don't think it's fair. guys have emotions, they have hearts- granted some are more tender than others, but if something touches them they should be able to express it. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy crying, yet our society does not allow it. it's ridiculous!!! i could say more, but i won't. just know that i will never think less of any of you guys if you cry. feel free to use my shoulder anytime :)

blowing off steam, quietly of course

i'm going to complain very briefly, but there are some things that are bothering me and i need to get them off my chest:

i work at the jackson library, and while it's a pretty plush job, and most of the time i enjoy it, i have some pet peeves about how people treat the library. most of them basically revolve around respect. so whether or not you use the libarary or not, here are a few things to keep in mind when in a public place:

1) it's a library, used for studying and checking out books, not for checking out the opposite sex. nor is it for studying each others anatomy or figuring out the chemistry in your relationship. please keep your hands off! i don't want to see it and i'm sure that your other peers don't want to either.

2) "HI SARA!! HOW ARE YOU!! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN LIKE FOREVER!!" it is unbelievable the amount of people who come barging into the library and are not using their inside voices. not only is this disruptive to those studying, but how am i supposed to take a nap at the circulation desk with that kind of noise? just kidding, but seriously, we learned in like first grade to be quiet in the library, so please be respectful and keep the noise at a level 2-3 instead of 9-10.

3) you wouldn't think so, but working at the library is a hazardous job. with all the left out chairs, i am libel to die any day now tripping over one of them. i understand that it's part of my job to push in chairs, but seriously how hard is it to push in your chair when you leave? it's common curtesy. i don't mind pushing in a chair here and there, but when i have to do it constantly to so many chairs, let's just say it gets a little old. so please help increase my lifespan by pushing in your chair when you're finished.

4) the carts laying around the library are there for a reason. we have convienetly put them there so if you decide that you don't want to check out a book you don't have to reshelve it or take it down to the circulation desk. yet without fail i find unwanted books laying on shelves, on desks or on the floor. my brothers, this should not be! take a second or two, find a cart and discard your unwanted books there. it makes my job so much easier.

well i think that's it for now. this is not meant to offend anyone, just to blow off some steam. and hopefully you've learned some valuable tips. if not at least it will prevent your head being bitten off by me.

love (and pollen) is in the air

yes, today is the first day of spring. it might only be 45 degrees, but spring is officially here. i for one can say that i am more than ready to pack up my parka and trade in my heavy winter shoes for light weight flip flops. my body is not so ready for spring and summer fashion, which seems to be getting skimpier and skimpier every year, but i am none the less thrilled to be able to go running outside without my lungs freezing up. and of course with the spring weather comes spring mating season, which my friends and i affectionatly call twitterpation season. everyone's hearts begin to thaw after a long winter of being frozen and are discovering their undying love for that special someone of the opposite sex. they might not have wanted anything to do with that person during the winter, but there is just something about spring...all of a sudden all they want is that person. the butterflys begin. the spark of electircity when eyes meet. park benches, long vacant during the IN deep freeze months are suddently full of couples cuddling, laughing and... well...doing other IWU inappropirate things... ahhh love is in the air. and i must say that this season i am content to sit back and watch the drama unfold.

as much as i would like to be involved in the soap opera of spring love, i know that God has me here for a reason and i am not ready, emotionally, or spirtually for another relationship. i still have too many emotions to work through. i need to figure out who i am and what i want before i can bring another person into my life. and i'm not going to lie- there is still a little hurt and pain leftover from a previoius relationship. not a lot,but it's still too soon to go diving into another relationship. i don't want just another spring fling that will end with the school year. i'm looking for something more long term, and i am not at a point in my life where i am ready for that. not to mention that God willing i'll be in guatemala for three months this summer and i have no desire to take a relationship down there with me. so this spring i'm determined to be content with just watching all the new budding romance around me. yes, love is in the air, but don't you worry... so is pollen and this girl plans on getting her fair share of that on her daily runs. :)

on the way home we got to stop at my house for supper. i'm holding our new puppy, charger. awww! david's riding horse in the background. 

we saw this amazing sunset from the top of a mountain while night skiing! 

all bundled up and ready to go on our first day of skiing 

david, me, tony and bethany freezing to death at a lake in VT 

Stormy days

hmmm... so it's been awhile since i've sat down and blogged. let me just say that Spring break was amazing. i had such a fun time. my sweetmate, bethany, lives in vermont, so her, me and two of our guy friends- tony and david, hopped in the car for an 18 hour road trip. the week consisited of snow skiing twice, touring, shopping, laughing, movie watching and lots of hot chocolate. i learned so much more about everyone and became much closer. God truely blessed us with a relaxing break that was a blast and a half...

unforunetly that was the calm before the storm. ever since then it seems like crises are happening left and right. they aren't happening to me, but everyone around me seems to be dealing with some intense, difficult stuff. it's hard to see friends hurting and not know how to help. and i am sad to say that i did not do a good job of being supportive this week. i had so much school stuff to do and was super stressed and tired. i think i missed out on some great God opportunities to pray with people and be an encouragement....i just feel drained...

my spiritual life seems dry. i want to spend time with God, truely i do. i want to be still before him and just bask in His presense, but yet i can't seem to find the time or discipline to do that. due to that i feel like i have not been a good witness for Him. how can i expect to be a missionary or go to guatemala this summer if i can't even do daily devos here?

i'm emotionally spent. the burdens of those around me are heavy on my heart and i want to do something, but all i can do is pray, and even that i have a hard time taking time to do. it might be b/c i'm tired, i don't know, but i also feel more self conscious and sensitive than usual. some of those old negative thoughts about myself have started to reappear over the past few days and i'm not going to lie- it's hard to battle them. i don't have the energy. i know that's where God comes in and i have to rely on Him for strength, but do you see the circular effect?
no spiritual commitment is leaving me vulnerable to Satan and therefor i am not experiencing the joy of life like i should, and i feel empty and helpless because my relationship with God is not where it should be. i don't know if that makes sense, but it does in my head.

anyway, i'm sure things will improve. i just need some more sleep and to start to be committed to spending daily time with God. but right now i'm just drained and feel like i have nothing to offer anyone...

my prince charming

this post is dedicated to the new love of my life. we had our first kiss last night, but unfortunetly he did not turn in to my prince charming. we just met, but he is so special to me. he entertains me, lets me hold him and loves me unconditionally. he's very handsome too. not too big, not too small. though it's hard to hold hands (his are webbed) we still can show our affection in other ways. i learned that his favorite food is crickets, but he prefers the small ones. odd i know. i enjoy watching him gobble them up. he's a good hunter too. very patient and waits for just the right time. i don't know what i'd do without him.

so here's to ziggy- my fire bellied toad.

"i don't wanna grow up...

i just wanna be a toys r' us kid. there's a million billion toys that i could play with..."

so yesterday was my 20th birthday. i have broken out of the teenage years and entered young adulthood. don't you worry though, i don't plan on starting to act mature anytime soon. :) it's kind of sad saying goodbye to those teen years, but i'm excited about the future.i'm starting a new decade of my life. i'm not going to lie- it's kind of weird. but a good weird. i just remember looking at people who were 20 and thinking they were so old and cool. i don't feel old...and i definetly don't feel cool!! i don't think i look like i'm 20 either. i could still pass for a high schooler. i need to update my look.... and looking back, it's kind of sad to think of the little i've accomplished in 20 years of life. what have i done with my life?!! lol. don't worry- just a little quarter life crisis. it'll pass in a day or so. but really, i want my life to count for something, i want to make a difference and leave a mark, besides all the minor catastrophies i cause, on this world and the people around me...

anyway, my 20th birthday was amazing!!! i really wanted to do something fun and crazy before i broke out of the teenage years, but i couldn't think of anything to great. and every one else's suggestions were a tad illegal. so i just chilled and was boring. right at 12am on march 1, emily, becca, kim and emily sang an amazing rendition of Happy Birthday to me. let me just say that i've never heard it sung in quite that way before. it brought tears to my eyes... i love you guys!! they presented me with a frog calander as my "early" bday gift. i like it a lot! then mackenzie came up to join the fun and gave me a cool verse in a picture frame and we watched Friends. boy is that a funny show. mack had some good , random, ideas of stuff to do, but again, most of which would land me in jail if caught. don't worry- i ended up just going to bed.

i woke up to find balloons and streamers all over my room!kim had come in a decorated for me! the rest of the day was fun, but typical...working out, classes, work, eating. a nice typical day. :) in the evening i had realife and it was held at IWU (don't ask- it's a long story...). the kids were really good though and it was fun to see them on my birthday. afterwards i came back to my room to get ready for my intramural tournament bball game, and emily stopped me. my friends gave me a card and then covered my eyes and took me into my room....(scary music.....)

on the floor was a huge acquarium, with rocks and pepples and a filter and a heat lamp...AND A FROG!!! i love frog stuff. ever since my mom had started putting Fully Rely On God stuff in my gym back for sporting events, i've had a little obsession with them., but not in a million years did i think that my great and wonderful friends would get me a frog!! he's actually a fire bellied toad, and he's green with a neon orange and black belly. so cute!! i got to hold him and he's quite the squirmer. so i obsereved the toad, whose name is no ziggy, for awhile, but then had to go to my game. it was a good game and my roomie came to cheer us on. we ended up losing by 10, but the last time we played this team was lost by like 30, so it was a wonderful improvement. i'm going to miss playing bball...

once i got back, i showered up quick and then the girls sang and we had ice cream pie while watching Friends. it was a terrific birthday spent with great friends and we made some good memories. thanks to all of you who wished me happy birthday and helped to make my day so special! it truely was. and Lord willing, there will be many more to come...:)